Quality (of life) vs. Quantity (of money)

Hello, readers! I know at least a few of you are out there…I just checked my stats for this month. :) It’s been a while, obviously, since I felt I had anything to say or add or flesh out here on the ol’ blog, but I’ve been rolling something around in my head over the last few days that has brought me out of retirement.

I work in freelance TV and film production, which means I kind of have to sit around and cross my fingers hoping that work comes in every month. I do my part to build and maintain relationships with past, present, and potential clients, but it’s really not much more than a crapshoot (mixed with a healthy dose of faith). I hope work comes in. I budget for the times it doesn’t and I’m thankful for the times it does. Living a life where quite a large portion of my schedule is unknown can be scary and crazy, but for the most part, it works out.

For someone like me, landing a huge project (70 days!) in one phone call is pretty major. It’s a project that will last the whole year through and one that I will be paid quite well for. It’s basically a freelancer’s dream.

Except that I’m starting to feel like it’s more of a nightmare.

The project has the potential to be fun and cool and lead to other fun and cool things. But the reality so far has been more disorganized and stressful and, well, so completely not fun, that I’m starting to question taking the project at all.

I know the status of the current economy. I know that with a baby on the way, it would seem like a really stupid thing to do to turn down work of just about any kind. The question that keeps coming back to me, though, is “Is the money worth it?” I mean, is that the be-all, end-all of my decision-making at this point? Is there no room to weigh quality of life? Yes, money is absolutely important, and I can’t say how grateful I am to have the opportunity to work right now. But I can’t help wondering if decreasing my happiness, increasing my stress, and experiencing sort of a general sense of dread over the whole thing is worth it.

I know, I know, welcome to the real world, right? People aren’t always happy with their jobs and they often just do them for that paycheck once a month. But I don’t know if that’s what I want my life to be. I want to believe that if I turn this down for really honorable reasons, then I would be blessed with something else to take its place. That keeping this rather poisonous experience in my life is robbing me of the truly awesome things I’m “supposed” to be doing right now.

And yet bills have to be paid.

Where’s the balance? Is there hope of any?

Peace. Out.